Human vs. Hill

This following post is just about me, no dog-related shenanigans, so if you're here for the dog stuff skip this one!

Today, I did something that I thought I was never going to be able to do again. And it was awesome.

Rewinding the story, we need to visit my years in high school. There is a mall that's about a 45 minute walk away from our house (which I didn't use very often), and, more relevant to myself back then, the dance studio I studied at. The thing that keeps it from being a light stroll is the absolutely massive, steep hill in between.

In high school, this was not daunting. I was in excellent physical shape, and so I make the trek up that hill to my dance classes and back several days a week. Ah, for those easy days...

When I developed Fibromyalgia, my physical shape obviously went out the window. During the worst period of it that I have ever experienced, I could barely walk up the stairs from my room to the kitchen, let alone walk up a hill. I didn't leave the house except for weekly doctor's appointments during that time, I had too little energy and too much pain to do so.

Fortunately, I improved when my dog entered the picture and I started a new medication. By forcing me to work through the pain, he helped me rebuild my stamina despite my illness. When I was well enough to take my dog out for his walks without having to pop opiates and nap immediately afterwards, I started running errands again, a huge step in regaining my independence.

I started taking the bus up to the mall whenever I needed to go shopping. I had some errands to run today, so I planned to do the usual, take the bus up.

I ran into some troubles, the bus I needed to take was going to be a while, and I needed to get stuff done quickly if I was going to get stuff done. On top of that, I couldn't find my bus tickets. I had resigned myself to having to move errand-running to another day, when a tiny voice whispered at the back of my mind. The conversation went something like this:

Subconscience: Psst. Hey. Hey. You should walk.
Conscience: Wait what?
Subconscience: You heard me.
Conscience: What, you mean like to the corner store to buy some bus tickets?
Subconscience: No, forget the bus tickets, just walk there.
Conscience: I can't!
Subconscience: Why not? You walked downtown and back the other day!
Conscience: That is true... But what about that huge hill? There's no way in hell I'm making it up that!
Subconscience: Be the hill.
Conscience: What? That doesn't make any sense!
Subconscience: Don't believe in yourself. Believe in the me that believes in you that believes in silly anime references. And I believe you can climb that hill.
Conscience: ... I'll go make a training montage playlist on my iPod if you promise not to make that "believe it" Naruto reference you're thinking of making.
Subconscience: EXCELLENT JUST AS PLANNED

Finished talking with myself, I packed a water bottle and my bottle of T3s. Preparations complete for my grand trek, I set out from my house. The hill was several blocks away, so I had time to get a rhythm going, strolling along to tune of such classics as "Getting Strong Now" from Rocky and "You're the Best Around" from The Karate Kid. It was a little silly, but I felt I needed all the help I could get.

Finally, I arrived at the base of the hill. I briefly considered turning back and just doing my errands another day, but I'd come too far to quit now. Water bottle in one hand, iPod in the other, I began the trek upwards. My body immediately piped up to protest.

Body: No, what are you doing? That hurts!
Me: No pain, no gain!
Body: I'm not ready to do this again! In fact, I'm never ready to do this again, ever!
Me: What, you're just going to refuse to ever walk up hills again?
Body: Oh man, here Fibro comes, you've gone and done it now...
Fibromyalgia: Stop! No exercising! You're going to need to break out the Percocet if you keep this shit up!
Me: YOU DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE FIBROMYALGIA YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN, I DO WHAT I WANT, I'M AN ADULT
Fibromyalgia: FINE. Hope you like Percocet, because you're going to need it!

And so, I continued up the hill. About a quarter of the way up, I had to stop and sit under the shade of a tree, chugging my water while I waited for my muscles to stop screaming in protest. Knowing that if I didn't get back up and continue soon, I was going to lose my nerve, I started walking again. I had to take another rest stop about 75% to the top. A friendly woman asked me if I was going to be okay, and I didn't want her to worry, so I said I was fine and got up and started walking up the hill again after the shorter break.

After what felt like forever, I finally reached the summit. Sweaty, red-faced, and panting, I did a victory fist-pump and gave a little "YESSSSSSSS" before unceremoniously flopping down onto someone's front lawn, downing the rest of the contents of my water bottle. A man with his child crossed the street so as to avoid the crazy lady who was currently lying on someone's lawn giggling in between desperate gasps for air. If I were in his position, I totally would do that too.

After about five minutes I remembered I actually had a purpose for walking up this big hill. Errands. I forced myself to my feet and walked the rest of the way to the mall, legs feeling like jelly. I refilled my water bottle at a fountain there before I finished my shopping trip. I picked up bus tickets, but not for taking the bus back as I'd originally planned. Fuck the bus, I'd walked up that hill and I was damn well going to walk back down it!

And so I did. Despite how sore, exhausted, and gross I was, I walked down that hill, and I walked back to my house. Immediately performing damage control, I am sitting in a comfortable chair in front of my computer with a heat pack, ice, water, and ibuprofen. I hurt a lot, and I'm definitely going to be feeling it even worse tomorrow, but I'm not going to take my Percocet, or even my T3s. I'd rather put up with the pain than continue drugging myself up on prescription opiates.

I'm freaking exhausted and so, so sore, but it was worth it completely. I won today's battle with Fibromyalgia. In fact, I totally punched Fibromyalgia in the face today. I am the Queen of that hill ("Not a Queen, a Khaleesi." My Targaryen-white hair helpfully reminds me. Blood of the dragon and all that). Awesome day.